you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
