I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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