did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
