I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
