one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
