I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
