Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
