is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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