So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
