Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
