You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
