Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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