he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
