Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
