I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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