Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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