No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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