Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
