On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
