Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
