She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
