how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
