So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
