epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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