He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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