why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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