Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
