He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
