hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
