my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
