Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
