How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
