is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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