Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
