Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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