your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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