Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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