Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
