i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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