im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The best walk of shames are on the highway
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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