Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
