On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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