my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
