C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
