Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
