I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
