i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
