worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
