my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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