you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
