I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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