How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
