I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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