You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Buhtt sex?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
