PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Houston, we have a squirter
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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