Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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