She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
