my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
