I seem to have left my pride at pride
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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