Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
