And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
