We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
